The Long Ball Tactic

Paul Merson has a blog!

Posted in Uncategorized by mike on November 19, 2009

For those of us who watch Sky Sports Soccer Saturday, the news that Paul Merson has a blog will no doubt be a cue to erupt in fits of unrestricted glee. The man who brought you such verbal classics as “e’s ‘it the beans on toast, Jeff” and “it’s…Gonzalez…Gonzalo..Gonzalee…what’s ‘is name?”, amongst others, now continues his cockney water torture of the English language on the internets.

Merse, of course, blogs on the ‘Opinion’ bit of the Sky Sports football website. Right here. If you are curious enough to click that link you will be pleasantly surprised by the picture of Merson looking either a)scared by a football or b)confused by a football. I can’t quite decide which. Anyway, his most recent article (written on November 6th before Chelsea v Manchester Utd) proves, at the very least, that even super football geniuses need proof-readers.

Scare of the Drog

This is the headline. If it is a pun then the joke has passed me by. Googling “scare of the dog” proved fruitless.

Blues must win of they want to take title

Seriously, go and check, I’m not making this up. In fact, even if that was written correctly “Blues must win if they want to take title” isn’t the sort of sentence that would necessarily make people sit up and take notice. But who am I to judge? I just look forward to the day that Paul Merson guest-edits New Scientist magazine.

Nobody is going to win the league on Sunday


Manchester United couldn’t be playing any worse right now

They could though, couldn’t they? I mean, they were 2nd in the table at the time. They could have been, like, bottom of the table and losing all their games. A more realistic sentence could possibly have been “Manchester United have been slightly underwhelming so far” or “Manchester United have been as predictable as everyone on Soccer Saturday laughing when I mispronounce Sylvain Ebanks-Blake’s name for the 790,000,0001th time”.

It’s no surprise to see Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka playing well together. I played with Anelka and he’s one of the best centre-forwards around – while Drogba is probably the best.

Anelka – one of the best

Drogba – the best (probably)

And so, if we add these two together we get the special footballing recipe known as “playing well together”. Paul Merson gets paid for this.

Joe Cole has come back into the side and has been like a new signing (which is useful if they can’t buy anyone in January!). I remember when he was at West Ham he was a showboater, he turned me inside out with a trick once, but didn’t have any end product.

Nothing much to say about this, except that “he turned me inside out with a trick once” is one of the funniest lines I’ve read in a while and I’m not even sure why. I think he should have ended the sentence with “needless to say, I had the last laugh”.

It’s vital that United defend well and the ball must stick with the strikers when it goes forward

I agree, no point giving it to those pesky defenders.

Just a few highlights there and, most satisfyingly, I still have no idea what “Scare of the Drog” means. In fact, Merson only mentions Drogba 3 times during the article and never in the context of Man Utd being scared of him. Cor blimey!


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